I just found out that my grandma has an enlarged heart. I dont know how to feel about this. Im worried. I know my family wont live forever and my grandparents being up in age with all the stress they deal with. But it still is scary. I cant allow myself to worry, to be afraid....i just...i want my grandparents with me a little longer. I wanna make them proud before they leave. Before they go home. Thats what scares me. Not knowing if theyre proud of me before they leave. Ive never dealt with this personally save for Michael. I remember my cousin Pats funeral....i only cried because my mom.was crying. I didnt know Pat personally. I wasnt attached to him. I dont know how im going to take it when my grandparents leave. I pray that i have a few more years with them. I am going to officially prepare myself. Knowing she has an enlarged heart kind of confirms it for me that she wont be here forever. And now i have to ready myself for when they leave. Be it soon.or not. Im just going to pray. My grandfather on the other hand doesnt need insulin anymore. So that is a blessing. Now its just his stress i have to worry about.
Blog dedicated to my life. Everyday I will try and post what happens, how I feel, who I meet, and what I accomplish. This book is going to be great.
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
Thursday, January 9, 2014
Chapter 1 page 9
Its 12:47pm and im currently at Valley hospital with my family. My dad had court today and ended up having 5 seizures in the courtroom. The paramedics brought him here and now we are all sitting in the waiting room because he needs to be seen but the hospital is busy so he is out here in the waiting room with us. I didnt get much sleep last night and im tired.
I did my workout last night including 20 minutes of yoga and 50 squats. I felt so good and proud of myself. Elisabeth and I agreed to reward ourselves for every 5lbs lost with a concert of Michael. We are saving Toronto for when we reach our goal of 160. We both want that weight shockingly. That is my goal as of now. When i reach that size i will decide if i want to lose more or not. I like having thighs and i want hips and a bigger butt. Plus my boobs. I just wanna perk them up a bit. Tone my arms and get a flatter stomach and ill be set. I know that i wont have my dream body, more than likely, but those are my goals. And i will be happy when i reach them. Im continually getting more confident in myself also. If i dont love myself now i wont love myself when i lose my weight.
Today at Panda Express as my back was turned and I was putting my food in my car, a homeless man came up to me asking for some money to have a chicken dinner tonight at the salvation army. As I was walking to my car, I looked all around as I usually do and saw nobody but as soon as I turned my back, he appeared. I gave him some money and my mom did as well. He then gave us a spiritual awakening...for me at least. He mentioned that someone in my family is an Eastern Star and Mason, my grandmother and grandfather on my mothers side are exactly that. He went on to give us more inspirational words and a prayer. He was so sweet and I just know that was God talking to us. An angel or something spiritual. Someone watching out for us, letting us know that though things may seem hard, we are NEVER alone. I have also noticed and been thankful for how blessed I have been this year. All last year I felt that 2014 would be the year for me to finally make a stamp on the world, no matter how big or small it may be, I'm going to do something important this year and I will make myself proud. I will make a difference and I still feel that way. This is my year. Something great is going to happen....I can feel it.
I did my workout last night including 20 minutes of yoga and 50 squats. I felt so good and proud of myself. Elisabeth and I agreed to reward ourselves for every 5lbs lost with a concert of Michael. We are saving Toronto for when we reach our goal of 160. We both want that weight shockingly. That is my goal as of now. When i reach that size i will decide if i want to lose more or not. I like having thighs and i want hips and a bigger butt. Plus my boobs. I just wanna perk them up a bit. Tone my arms and get a flatter stomach and ill be set. I know that i wont have my dream body, more than likely, but those are my goals. And i will be happy when i reach them. Im continually getting more confident in myself also. If i dont love myself now i wont love myself when i lose my weight.
Today at Panda Express as my back was turned and I was putting my food in my car, a homeless man came up to me asking for some money to have a chicken dinner tonight at the salvation army. As I was walking to my car, I looked all around as I usually do and saw nobody but as soon as I turned my back, he appeared. I gave him some money and my mom did as well. He then gave us a spiritual awakening...for me at least. He mentioned that someone in my family is an Eastern Star and Mason, my grandmother and grandfather on my mothers side are exactly that. He went on to give us more inspirational words and a prayer. He was so sweet and I just know that was God talking to us. An angel or something spiritual. Someone watching out for us, letting us know that though things may seem hard, we are NEVER alone. I have also noticed and been thankful for how blessed I have been this year. All last year I felt that 2014 would be the year for me to finally make a stamp on the world, no matter how big or small it may be, I'm going to do something important this year and I will make myself proud. I will make a difference and I still feel that way. This is my year. Something great is going to happen....I can feel it.
Saturday, January 4, 2014
Chapter 1. Page 4
I meant to start this on the 1st day of 2014. Unfortunately I forgot. So here I am starting it now. I've never been very good at writing journals or diaries but I want to record my life from this year on. I know the time for my life to be read will come one day and I want to give as much detail as I can for those who want to know me and my life story. I won't go into details of my years before now, just yet. That will be done at a much later time.
Today. I woke up with a headache. It was bright a sunny. I woke up with last night on my mind. It was horrible, last night. I broke down and cried because of frustrations I couldn't control. I was mad at myself for letting that happen. It's only the 4th day of the new year and already I'm crying, frustrated and upset. But now, writing this, I am happy, relieved, jubilated, and content. The landlord, Mr. Wu, came over today. I had to give him $50 because yesterday went wrong and my mother wasn't able to get her check. She owed him $70, but he will receive the $20 when we can give it to him. Had I had it, I would have gave it to him. My mom doesn't want me helping out with financial problems because I'm her child, but really I'm 22 years old and still am fully dependent on my parents. I want to help out as much as I can. I want to become independent. I want my own. So I'm helping out. Plus it gives a break on my mom. At least, I pray it does.
Dee was frustrated yesterday because the same problem: we still have our financial struggles and in the end, it all falls on our mom. He wants to help out like I can, with money but I told him today, he's only 16. He doesn't need to worry about that. Granted when I was his age, I worried, stressed, and cried just like he did yesterday when I couldn't help my mom. But his day will come and he will make her very very proud. So will I.
My dad.....he's a daily challenge for all of us. While I love him, he is holding us back. I finally admitted to my mom today, well I hinted, that since he is sick and has trouble doing things on his own...we should put him in a home. If he doesn't want to do that, then that is his decision. He is so stubborn. When we move to Atlanta, and I am moving there within the next two years, if God see's me fit for the move, he already said that he doesn't want to go with us. So he either needs to move back to California with his side of the family or move into a home. I would worry daily about him if he lived by himself. He's very sick now. Forgetting things minutes after they happen. He still has his seizures, he has chest pains, leg pains, I'm afraid he has already had a minor stroke and he seems to be developing Alzheimer disease. I would like him to be taken care of.
The firs three days have been a little down. Which I have to change immediately. Literally before 12:00pm hit on Dec. 31st, 2013, I was positive, happy, feeling great. Once it hit, everything seemed to change. I got tired, lazy, a little down, and a bit moody. I didn't like it at all and I started to worry that my whole year would be like this. But I've told myself, am still am, that a few days will NOT control my entire year. It's only if I believe it and I dont. I'm going to progress this year and flourish. No matter how big or small I'm doing SOMETHING positive and great that will impact my life for the better. I will be a better, healthier, more confident person as well. Financially, things are already looking better. I actually havent a single hint of worry financially and it will stay that way from here on out. I will start selling my cookies, and gain at least 5 loyal costumers this year as well. That is my goal.
I want so much in life, material wise and just mentally. I want richness. In everything. Clothes, accessories, books, traveling, I want so much. That is why I'm changing my attitude, save for the damn near impossible moods of PMS, and am having a damn good year and will hopefully brighten those around me.
___
I came home and took a nap. I was so tired. I had Panera Bread for lunch. It was really good! I had the Chicken Cobb with Avocado salad with bread on the side. Delish! I wanted to watch a few movies tonight but I slept for so long. It's only 7:27pm but I'm still tired. I might just fall asleep again. I am beginning to feel hungry so I will go make some dinner!
Today. I woke up with a headache. It was bright a sunny. I woke up with last night on my mind. It was horrible, last night. I broke down and cried because of frustrations I couldn't control. I was mad at myself for letting that happen. It's only the 4th day of the new year and already I'm crying, frustrated and upset. But now, writing this, I am happy, relieved, jubilated, and content. The landlord, Mr. Wu, came over today. I had to give him $50 because yesterday went wrong and my mother wasn't able to get her check. She owed him $70, but he will receive the $20 when we can give it to him. Had I had it, I would have gave it to him. My mom doesn't want me helping out with financial problems because I'm her child, but really I'm 22 years old and still am fully dependent on my parents. I want to help out as much as I can. I want to become independent. I want my own. So I'm helping out. Plus it gives a break on my mom. At least, I pray it does.
Dee was frustrated yesterday because the same problem: we still have our financial struggles and in the end, it all falls on our mom. He wants to help out like I can, with money but I told him today, he's only 16. He doesn't need to worry about that. Granted when I was his age, I worried, stressed, and cried just like he did yesterday when I couldn't help my mom. But his day will come and he will make her very very proud. So will I.
My dad.....he's a daily challenge for all of us. While I love him, he is holding us back. I finally admitted to my mom today, well I hinted, that since he is sick and has trouble doing things on his own...we should put him in a home. If he doesn't want to do that, then that is his decision. He is so stubborn. When we move to Atlanta, and I am moving there within the next two years, if God see's me fit for the move, he already said that he doesn't want to go with us. So he either needs to move back to California with his side of the family or move into a home. I would worry daily about him if he lived by himself. He's very sick now. Forgetting things minutes after they happen. He still has his seizures, he has chest pains, leg pains, I'm afraid he has already had a minor stroke and he seems to be developing Alzheimer disease. I would like him to be taken care of.
The firs three days have been a little down. Which I have to change immediately. Literally before 12:00pm hit on Dec. 31st, 2013, I was positive, happy, feeling great. Once it hit, everything seemed to change. I got tired, lazy, a little down, and a bit moody. I didn't like it at all and I started to worry that my whole year would be like this. But I've told myself, am still am, that a few days will NOT control my entire year. It's only if I believe it and I dont. I'm going to progress this year and flourish. No matter how big or small I'm doing SOMETHING positive and great that will impact my life for the better. I will be a better, healthier, more confident person as well. Financially, things are already looking better. I actually havent a single hint of worry financially and it will stay that way from here on out. I will start selling my cookies, and gain at least 5 loyal costumers this year as well. That is my goal.
I want so much in life, material wise and just mentally. I want richness. In everything. Clothes, accessories, books, traveling, I want so much. That is why I'm changing my attitude, save for the damn near impossible moods of PMS, and am having a damn good year and will hopefully brighten those around me.
___
I came home and took a nap. I was so tired. I had Panera Bread for lunch. It was really good! I had the Chicken Cobb with Avocado salad with bread on the side. Delish! I wanted to watch a few movies tonight but I slept for so long. It's only 7:27pm but I'm still tired. I might just fall asleep again. I am beginning to feel hungry so I will go make some dinner!
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
